Why Am I Such a Loser? Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence

Goda Brzozauskaite
  • Apr 12, 2022
  • 5 min read
sad business woman banging head against wall

Have you ever asked yourself the question, why am I such a loser? Perhaps you have tried certain things and just could not get the hang of it, or maybe you just feel like you’re not good at some things or everything? Whatever the reason may be, just know that you’re not alone, and it is common to experience low self-esteem from time to time. 

However, it should not hinder your progress in life, and if it is – seeking professional help can be a good option for you. This article will offer more details about why people don’t trust their capabilities and offer some valuable tips that aim to shift your mindset and ultimately build your self-esteem

Why Do People Feel This Way?

There are many factors that contribute to one feeling like a loser, and the following are some of the most common causes of individuals feeling this way:

Fear of being vulnerable

In order to be successful, one has to allow themselves to be vulnerable. However, past disappointments and failures result in us being more guarded in order to avoid further disappointments. This not only leads us to ignore our own vulnerabilities, but it also means that we focus more on our weaknesses, which, in turn, hinders our very own personal growth and achievements. 


Most of us want to fit in and be a part of the “in crowd”; however, by doing this, we tend to disregard our own authenticity and become slaves to the expectations of others. Therefore, the urge to fit in and please people tends to disappear into the crowd and becomes oblivious to their own independence. 

False beliefs

If you constantly believe that you are not good enough and have the mindset of being a loser at everything, you hinder your own success. The way you view yourself determines how you deal with challenges in life, and if you believe that you are a loser, you will end up losing even though you are capable of anything. 


Being pessimistic means that you always expect the worst outcome, the way you view life and the world around you is always in a negative light. Therefore, before you even try to do something, you already believe that you will fail instead of being positive. 

Doubting your capabilities

Often, we tend to doubt and underestimate our own capabilities. However, it has been proven that the most successful people in life never doubt their capabilities. Therefore, mistrusting your own capabilities also hinders your growth and leads to you feeling like a loser.


Being close-minded means that you believe what you believe and are not open to exploring other avenues. Close-minded people, at times, are stubborn and “stuck in their ways.” Therefore, these people fail to realize that there is more to what they know, and this leads to them limiting their own success. 


Often, people tend to avoid situations and things that make them uncomfortable. Therefore, they are not willing to stand on their own and try new things. 

Thinking errors

Thinking errors refer to one's thinking patterns which are often self-defeating, in the sense that often what people think does not match up to their reality. For instance, believing that you are bad at playing soccer while you have never played soccer before. These faulty thinking patterns are damaging not only your self-esteem but also your mental health. 


Depression often affects your mood, behavior, self-esteem, and overall outlook on life. This then explains why you may be feeling like a loser. When you are depressed, it is extremely hard to view yourself and life in a more positive way.

How to Deal With Feeling Like a Loser

Seek support

You do not have to face challenges on your own, especially if you are struggling. Often, all it takes is getting some support from a friend, loved one, or a professional to feel better. 


Often, when you do not particularly feel good about yourself, you tend to overlook the progress that you have made over time. Reflecting on your own personal growth is a great step to take, especially when you are feeling like a loser.

Seek new perspectives

Change the way you think when you think negatively. It has an impact on how we view life and our different situations in life. The opposite is also possible; when we think positively, our outlook on life also improves, and we tend to feel better about ourselves.

You can search for new perspectives by trying to analyze the situation from another angle or looking at what positive outcomes might come indirectly from your failings.

Take tips from positive influences

Ever heard the saying that you are the company you keep? Well, in most cases, that is exactly how it is. Therefore, make sure you keep positive influences around you; most times, this expands who you are, and you will likely gain a sense of personal growth and change.

Take control of one aspect of your life

Sometimes, we try to control too many aspects of our lives. When we are unable to do this, we tend to feel like losers because nothing seems to be going our way. Therefore, try and control one aspect of your life, be it finances, relationships, or even your own fitness goals.  

Don't compare yourself to others

We often tend to doubt ourselves in relation to others. If you feel that you need to compare yourself with something, try to compare yourself to your past self instead of comparing yourself to others. 

Sometimes, however, we have relationships where we always feel inferior. Therefore, if you find that a certain person makes you doubt yourself whenever you communicate, you may want to distance yourself from them.

Find triggers

Figuring out what actually makes you feel like a loser is extremely important. When you begin identifying triggers, jot them down, and you will soon begin identifying patterns and find ways of coping when presented with the triggers in the future. 

Consider therapy

Did you know that therapists help people overcome low self-esteem and self-confidence-related issues every day? Trying to boost self-esteem often requires going out of your comfort zone, and it can be scary. With the help of a therapist, it will definitely be easier to handle. 

However, if face-to-face therapy sessions are not a good option for you, you may want to consider online therapy. Online therapy is not only a comfortable way of receiving help, but it is also affordable most of the time. Moreover, with online therapy, you can get access to your therapist almost every day via messages instead of bi-weekly in-person sessions.

Bottom Line

Life is quite unpredictable, and when faced with challenges beyond our control, it is natural to battle with self-esteem-related issues from time to time. 

However, if you are asking yourself, “why am I such a loser?” it might be that your self-image is interfering with your day-to-day life. If you are having a hard time helping yourself, you may want to consider seeking any kind of professional help. Should you be interested in online counseling, we are here to help you. 

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