Self-love is easier said than done. It’s hard to do it all the time. Moreover, comparing yourself to others is often easier than loving yourself for who you are. Our society has unrealistic expectations and standards, forcing us to conform. A simple “I’m not as pretty as Rachel” can quickly become “I'm not pretty and good enough for anyone”.
Before you know it, your negative self-image has transformed into hate, trapping you in a vicious cycle of comparison and irrational beliefs. You try to find answers to questions like how not to hate yourself for eating, after a breakup, or for mistakes.
Self-loathing can make you believe that you aren't good, deserving, or worthy. The moment the voice in your head says, “I hate myself” is the moment things start to get worse. The distorted self-image creates a hole inside you, and you don’t exactly know why you feel so.
Sometimes the hate becomes unbearable, and you contemplate ending it. But how? You wish to end the relationship with yourself. You may even passively think about dying or actively think about committing suicide.
Self-hate is personal and can often lead to depression, low self-esteem, extreme anxiety, and other mental health issues. It is a subjective feeling that can be overcome with therapy. If you want to find the answer to the question of how to stop hating yourself, continue reading further.
Why Do I Hate Myself?
Why do I hate myself? – Do you often find yourself asking this question, hoping that someday you’ll find a genuine answer?
Some reasons to hate yourself can be pretty ambiguous; a few may be the outcomes of specific events in your life, like failure, breakups, or mistakes. Hate can also stem from mental illnesses like depression or traumatic experiences. The following are a few causes of self-hate:
Low self-esteem
Although everyone lacks confidence at times, those with low self-esteem are unhappy or dissatisfied with themselves most of the time. Individuals with low self-esteem frequently have a poor perception of themselves and ignore their positive characteristics. They also use derogatory terms to characterize themselves, such as stupid, ugly, overweight, unwanted, etc.
When things go wrong, they blame themselves instead of considering other factors they have no control over, such as others' behavior. Low self-esteem can be due to several reasons, like an unstable relationship, unhappy childhood, critical parents, and abuse.
Mental health problems like anxiety and depression can also account for low self-esteem. With time, the negative self-view can turn to hate, driving the person to hate themselves for who they are and their very existence.
Perfectionism
Perfectionism and self-hate are voices that aren't part of who you are. Perfectionism encompasses more than just ambition; it can also imply a high level of self-criticism. Characterized by feelings of shame and a tendency to postpone, it pushes you to be the best, most perfect version of yourself. This can produce a lot of worries because you want yourself to be flawless, and if you aren't, you may feel like a failure. You might push yourself to make no mistakes, and if you do, you can feel guilty and hate yourself.
Perfectionists are concerned about what others think of them; hence their fear of being embarrassed or humiliated is very big. Perfectionism serves as a defense mechanism against feelings of shame. Self-critical thoughts contribute to low self-esteem, low spirits, and hate. Perfectionists tend to see the world in black and white, as amazing or horrifying, and as all or nothing.
Trauma
Childhood is often the source of self-hate. Trauma experienced after childhood can also create negative self-perception. Children tend to believe what they are told by others. If a parent tells a child that they're worthless or incapable of doing anything well, the child believes it to be true.
Trauma can also lead to self-hate. It can feel a lot safer to blame yourself for what happened than accepting those horrible things happen in the world at random – and that they can happen again at any time. Many survivors of sexual assault, violence, or other traumas condemn themselves for their ordeals, leading to self-hate.
Depression
The self is hated in depression for varying reasons and typically or always stinks of underlying perfectionism. You may, for example, hate yourself for not being intelligent, handsome, or unique enough. You make a mistake at school or work and think to yourself, “How stupid am I?”
Depressed individuals have a distorted image of themselves, others, and the world. They perceive almost everything negatively and withdraw from activities that make them happy. This results in emotional distress and clouded emotions, making them hate themselves.
Can Therapy Help Me Stop Hating Myself?
Are you wondering whether online therapy can teach you how to not hate yourself? The hate towards oneself often stems from reasons known and unknown. A good therapist will bring these reasons to light and help you understand their impact on the present. They will assist you in understanding your triggers and breaking the shackles of irrational expectations.
Therapy can help you think clearly and assess situations better with a realistic approach. It can help you overcome the burdening expectations from yourself, teaching you a healthy way to look at situations and people. Therapy can get into the root of the problem and help with transforming the negative belief about oneself.
What Therapy Approaches Should I Consider?
The answer to how to stop hating yourself is therapy. It can lift the burden of the expression “I hate myself” and provide you with a better perspective towards everything. The following are a few therapeutic approaches you should consider:
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
Cognitive behavioral therapy is a blend of two components: cognition and behavior. Self-hate often stems from irrational beliefs about oneself and views of society. The fault in our thinking often makes us hate ourselves. CBT employs cognitive restructuring, wherein the therapist will help you restructure and redesign your thinking process by questioning the faulty thought.
They assist you in identifying and self-monitoring thoughts that spark hate and weigh their cost and benefits. The behavioral component of CBT teaches you to change your immediate response to these negative thoughts. Your therapist will help you find new ways to deal with thoughts and situations.
Dynamic interpersonal therapy (DIT)
DIT focuses on relationships and assisting clients in understanding the connection between their poor moods and how they interact with others. It enables a person to see how patterns they acquired as children influence how they behave around others now and learn to cope with relationships in more constructive ways to improve their emotional health.
Your therapist will create a picture of what is challenging in your life; how it impacts you and the people around you. Dynamic interpersonal therapy uses what happens in your interaction with your therapist to help you reflect on your challenges. This means your therapist will frequently turn your attention to how you feel during the session. The notion is that by looking into your connection with your therapist, you would gain a deeper understanding of what is bothering you.
Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT)
To help clients improve, ACT employs acceptance and mindfulness practices. Acceptance is emphasized as a method for dealing with negative ideas, feelings, symptoms, or events. It also pushes you to commit to healthier, more productive activities that support your values or aspirations. It teaches people to accept rather than struggle or feel guilty about their thoughts and feelings.
Online therapy
The terms online therapy and online counseling have recently gained popularity in the therapy field. Online counseling sessions are less expensive, more flexible with scheduling, and more convenient than in-person therapy. You can participate in online therapy sessions from home and in any part of the world.
Online therapy allows you to connect with any therapist, regardless of their location. Online counseling sessions can provide anonymity and the ability to switch therapists quickly.
From Self-Hate to Self-Love
Self-hate can overshadow your best traits, forcing you to create an unrealistic hateful image of yourself. It can start to interfere with your relationships and professional lives, shaking your confidence and hindering your progress. The best way to cope with it is through therapy, which can be life-changing in a good way.
At DoMental, our therapists offer a safe environment in which you can feel at ease. We recognize that each person is unique and work hard to develop an effective treatment plan for you. You will always have someone for you at DoMental, regardless of where you are.
